This Week's Very Short Story: Chapter 9

This Week's Very Short Story: Chapter 9

In the beginning of 6^th grade I got a ‘D’ in math.  From then on my grades went up to the point where I went to college to major in Mathematics. 

At Lincoln Jr. High School in Ferndale Michigan I was in a lower math track during 7^th grade.  The math teacher during that year told me that I did not belong in remedial math but there was nothing he could do about it. 

My father blamed his hair loss on the helmet he wore in the army.  Good thing the only shrapnel that hit him was in the leg.  Otherwise I may not be telling you this story.  

Illogical logic:   Neither of my son’s have children.  I had not seen my son for a few years so I asked him for a picture.  He asked why and I told him I wanted to see if he had lost his hair.  Seeing his picture and knowing that my other son still has his hair, I can only come to one conclusion… in my case, that having children causes hair loss.   

There are only certain things in life that you can blame on spell check.     

When I was young I did magic tricks.  One of my tricks was that I took my hand and arm and put it through a glass door and then pulled it out without getting a cut.  That is better than what the real story was.  I would tell you what that was but I do not remember the real reason.    

My mother was born in Detroit Michigan.  Her mother passed away when she was young.  Later she moved to Florida with her father and step mother and she graduated from Miami High School in 1949.  To say that she did not like Florida would be a very nice description.   As soon as she was old enough she moved back to Detroit and lived with one of her sisters, where she met my father after he had returned from the war.  Otherwise, I would not be telling you this story.     

Years ago when I started practicing, patients would ask me if I was old enough to be the doctor so I grew a beard….. Later as I was losing my hair and my beard turned grey, I shaved it.  They don’t ask me that question anymore.   

When I go into work early, I sometimes pass these two ladies out walking together.  I do not know them, but it is like I know them.  When one of them is not there, I am worried that the other is sick.  When they are there, it is as if everything is OK in the world.  Thank you, ladies for making a good start to my day.  Maybe someday I will have the nerve to stop and show them this story and thank them.  

My two sons have always been as different as cats and dogs.  One son we would have to argue with for five hours to do 5 minutes of homework.  The other son wanted to get home right after school so that he could do his homework.  He bought into the idea where that if you finished your homework then you can do whatever you wanted to do.  And he did.  

This Week's Very Short Story: Chapter 8

This Week's Very Short Story: Chapter 8

In college, I bought a police style winter jacket because I noticed the police would be out in the cold directing traffic and they did not appear to be cold.  Today I would not wear it for fear that it might have a target on it and anyway, it would not fit.  

I called home and told my wife that I was going to stop at Trader Joe’s on the way home.  She says to bring her home a “goodie”, that she needs a “goodie”.   I answered that I am coming home, she laughed. 

  

On those television shows that help people pick a house to buy or fix up, I hear them talk about mud rooms.  That would have been any room that I was in when I was very young. 

   

Both of my younger brothers went to Camp Tamarack.  I went to Detroit Recreational Camp for one week.  It was the week from hell like in the Alan Sherman song, “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah”, except that the sun never came out.   Never did I go to overnight camp again; instead I went to day camp where I met people that I am still friends with today. 

  

My son went from Sesame Street to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles right to sports…. So glad I was spared Barney.

After my first year in medical school, I went home and got married.  The next year I studied less and got better grades.  Coincidence? 

At the end of my first year in medical school in San Francisco 10 to 12 classmates went home and were married on the first weekend.  I was one of them. 

One of my sayings when I was in college when people wanted to be somewhere else was, “things could be worse, you could be in bed sleeping”.  It has come to have a different meaning as I get older. 

I don’t always remember people’s names… so if I happen to start to lose it, people may not be able to know the difference.  

I have always preferred brunettes to blondes.  I can’t decide whether this is because my mother had long black hair or my early baby sitters did.  I will leave that discussion to the psychiatrists and psychologists.

Later in life I found out that a few of my baby sitters were not that much older than I was.  The reason could be that they were so mature or I was so immature.  Probably both. 

One day when I was leaving work, another employee replied to me that the best time of the day is when she was leaving work.  My thought is that the best time of the day is when you wake up in the morning. 

  

This Weeks Very Short Story: Chapter 7

This Week's Very Short Story: Chapter 7

I have bowled on many bowling teams.  I don’t remember all the people who were on my teams.  One line up that I remember from Oak Park Lanes was Robert, Neal, Neil, Neal and Archie.   

On one Friday while I was in college and living in the fraternity house, I came back to back to the apartment room and found a sign that my roommates left that said, “Take care of and feed Jeff, we all went home for the weekend”.  Jeff was the dog.  I never did tell them we had a great time as it would have ruined my image.  

For two years, when I lived in the Fraternity house apartment building,  I lived in a basement apartment.  We called it The Pit.  That pretty much explains it.  

Whether it was while golfing or bowling, my father would say that it is not nice to beat the father as I was about to beat him.   

It was during high school that I went with my father to his lawyer and he told the lawyer to list me as the executor of his will.  Way too early for me to comprehend.  

I did not go to my graduation from Michigan State University.  I was driving across the country to my next school in San Francisco California.  

When I was young, the girls would chase me.  It wasn’t until years later that I realized that I should have let them catch me.   

For most of my father’s life, I looked up to him.   He was taller than me.   

Years ago, the son of a friend noticed that quite a few of my dress work shirts had stripes on them and he started calling me “stripey”.  Years later I found him wearing stripe dress shirts to work.  

Most people know that I never have smoked.  Years ago I would tell people that when I would go back to Michigan that I smoked a pack a day.  Why you ask?  So that I would feel like I was home in Los Angeles.  (For those that don’t remember it, Smog.)   

I have a couple of friends that used to smoke.  One time to each of them, I took their cigarette, took a puff and blew the smoke back into their face.  Just because.  

During elementary school, I was on the Safety Patrol.  Aaah, the power of that white belt.   

We took my oldest son on college tours before he graduated from high school.  At the school that he would attend, the tour included the new apartment style dorm rooms, the modern cafeteria and the fitness center.  At the end of the tour, the guide asked if there were any questions.  I asked, when can I move in?   and shorter....

At the end of a college tour with my son they asked if there were any questions.  Mine was when can I move in. 

This Weeks Very Short Story: Chapter 6

This Week's Very Short Story: Chapter 6

I started wearing glasses when I was 3 years old because of crossed eyes.  Every few months I would have to have my eyes dilated, which was torture.   If I was ever taken to Guantanamo, they could forget the water boarding and just bring out the eye drops. 

  

With my very curly hair and my wife with the same, I had always thought that if we had a girl, she would be a little Shirley Temple.  It did not work, two boys with curly/wavy hair.  

   

I grew up with the belief that if it did not have chocolate and nuts, why eat it.  

   

Sometimes you have to make the big decisions in life:  Whether to facebook or to work.  

  

You know those thoughts, ideas and stories that you say to yourself that you should write down.  Well, I write them down before I forget them.   

  

There is something that I have not been able to figure out.  You go into a restaurant and they bring you a drink with a straw. What do they think; you haven’t mastered the art of drinking from a glass?  

  

I am finally coming to terms with that I played Hopscotch as a child.  

I would have had a much better time on the bus ride home from Hebrew school if I would have realized that what the girls wanted to do in the back of the bus was not going to hurt me.  

I guess my basketball career ended in sixth grade when I got elbowed on the playground at Paul L. Best elementary school and ended up with a broken tooth.  

My baseball career was very short sighted.  No, that were my glasses I wore since I was 3 years old. Not being able to hit the ball off the tee and field did not help.  Bowling did not suffer because of that problem.  

                                                                   or

I tried to play baseball, tee ball specifically, when I was young but I had a hard time seeing to hit the ball off of the tee.  I was able to see the spot on the bowling alley lane, though, and did that very well.

I have never skied.  I once took a lesson and tried cross country skiing when I lived in Riverview, Michigan.  It never snowed again that winter…..  so I moved to California.  (Alternative ending….  Do you want me back to try again?) 

My number one rule for my boys when they went away to college was…. Call you mother. (I recently added rule # 2, which is... remember rule #1. I am now ready to add rule #3... It is OK for call you father. Just in case that you think that I do not follow the rules, I try to call my mother every day, though it was not always that way.

I have mastered being a male.  I could talk to one my boys say for 45 minutes and then my wife would ask me what we were talking about.  My answer would be nothing. 

My wife would like me to wear slippers.  I have always associated slippers with being old.  Maybe I should get some slippers, a robe, a pipe and a couple of young ladies like Hugh Hefner?  I don’t think that is what she has in mind.  

This Weeks Very Short Story: Chapter 5

This Week's Very Short Story: Chapter 5

Marriage is something you have to work at.  She tells you what needs to be done and then you get to work on it.    

When I am a meeting/seminar and see my professional classmates from 1979, they stop and take a pose.  Did I forget to tell you that I have my camera and have been photographing their age progression for years.   

My Aunt May made me and my brother eat peas and cauliflower.  It wasn’t until years later when I started making my mushroom barley cauliflower soup that I started to eat them voluntarily.    

Having never seen it made, it wasn’t until years later that I learned that what we called Uncle Lou’s Soup was actually made by Uncle Lou.   

There was a drawer at my Uncle Lou’s and Aunt Faye’s house that we called the magic drawer.  It never failed to deliver us sweets whenever we showed up.    

There was a business where my picture hung for many years.  No, it was not the Post Office.  It was Oak Park Lanes.  It was a picture of me bowling from the pins view.   I have no idea why it stayed up there for  years.  My mother went and got it before they closed it.     

I would not sign the papers to allow my younger son to play football in high school.  My wife signed them for 2 years and then she said no.  I did enjoy when he did play and went to as many games as I could.    

I can still take my hand and stroke my face and head and feel the full beard that I had for around 20 years and the full head of hair that I had for slightly longer.  Then there are mirrors.   

I was married in 1977. Many years ago when people asked when are you are going to have children, I would answer February 1983.  My son was born in January 1983.  He owes me a month.    

When we were asked by the Rabbi how many children we are going to have, I did not have an answer.  I always thought that the answer would be 4 boys, and then I met someone with 4 boys.   

We did not want to have children until we were not moving every year because of school, training, etc.  Then we ended up staying in Northridge California for more than one year and you know what happened.    

When I was younger my mother bought some of my clothes at Brody’s in Oak Park from the ‘husky’ section.  When I got taller and thinner, I could shop anywhere.  The lesson I learned from that is that I am the perfect weight for my next growth spurt.   

At my Bar Mitzvah, I was so very short that some of the girls towered over me in height. Years later I come to find that some of them are the same height now, just five feet tall.   

This Weeks Very Short Story: Chapter 4

This Week's Very Short Story: Chapter Four

My Saturdays when I was young were spent bowling at Oak Park Lanes or at movies in Royal Oak.  Later on it was bowling follow by dance lessons at Jack Barnes. Dance lessons continued until my Bar Mitzvah.  I continued bowling all the way through high school.    

My parents seemed to want us out of the house on Saturdays.  I wonder what they were doing during those times.  Oh…. That is how I ended up with a little brother that was 11 years younger than me.   

One of the best forms of birth control is children.    

By the way my mother yelled my name, I knew something was wrong.  What I had done was to mix some chocolate into the remaining milk in the refrigerator.  My mother was making mashed potatoes and poured the chocolate milk into the potatoes.  What happened next was a run down the stairs to the basement on Greenbriar Street.  Actually, I don’t think I touched the steps.  Behind me came the bowl filled with chocolate milk and potatoes with the speed of a 90 mile an hour pitch.  And yes, I did get to clean it all up.     

Today there are so many things that your children need to take with them when they go to college.  One of the thing that I took to college that I know my children did not take with them was a 2 piece pool cue/stick.  

I never sat with my father and discussed politics.  I don’t know how he voted.  I think I could guess.  He did ask questions and I gave answers. He was the father and I the son.  I learned by his example on how he lead his life   

At lunch during high school, one of my favorite things to eat was an ice cream sandwich from one of the machines.  I would buy one whenever I had enough change.  Once I got the ice cream sandwich, I would break it in half and offer half to a friend of mine, and occasionally even let him have it.  Every day he would eat a corn beef sandwich.  Never did I even get a bite.  

At some point during high school, they finally allowed us to go out to lunch.  The sprint to our cars and the race to our destination made the chases on The Dukes of Hazzard look lame.   

For the road rally, ‘swing out” in high school, we decorated someone’s car with beer cans that we collected.  With today’s standards, we would probably be ready for parole soon.    

I have held many elected offices in many different organizations.  There is one election that I lost and was glad that I did. It was for Secretary of the fraternity that I belonged to.  It was at that time, that I realized that I need to buckle down, study and get ready for the rest of my life.    

This Weeks Very Short Story: Chapter 3

This Week's Very Short Story:  Chapter Three

When I see a car with a Michigan license here, I have to look to see who they are.... Like I would know who they are. 

I am a lefty, really.   

I don’t think it is acceptable to lie to someone, even if it for the greater good unless you are their parent.  And then again, that probably won’t work out either.  

It was when my son was 8 years old and I was sitting on a bucket catching his pitches that I realized that sitting with my legs spread apart and the pitches hurting my hand, that this was not a good idea.  

My ability to throw a ball accurately is not that great.  If my son did not learn to field the ball well, instead of playing shortstop, catcher and center field, he would have probably ended up on the track or cross country team.   

Since I write very short stories, I guess an autobiography is out of the question.     

When we were young, my brother and I were very wild kids.  Today they have medications for that.   

Part of being a wild young kid was my many trips to the emergency room.  My father could probably drive the route to Beaumont Hospital in his sleep, and probably did.  

My draft number was 52 for my year.  They did not call anyone that year, otherwise I would be telling different stories to different people.   

When I was young and naïve, I used to think that the songs Winter Wonderland and White Christmas were singing about my home state of Michigan.  Now that I am older and experienced, I still feel that way.  

For years, I bowled at night in league and came home smelling like I had been drinking and smoking.  If I was to start bowling again now that they don’t allow smoking at the alleys, my wife would assume that I was cheating on her since I would be coming home not smelling of cigarettes.  

In the early 1970’s I spent a few New Year’s Eve’s with my girlfriend  at the Raven Gallery coffee house in Southfield Michigan listening to live folk music. (Josh White Jr, Ron Coden)  I still spend New Year’s Eve with my girlfriend and my wife does not seem to mind.    

My brother in law is getting his PhD from UCLA and teaches at USC.  When UCLA plays football against USC, he probably watches America's Next Top Model. When they are playing basketball, he’s all in for the North Carolina Tar Heels.